A New Moon Rising

Settle your hand on mine baby
That's all you have to do to save me
After all that's come to pass
A girl lost, unloved then found so fast
Then thrown into despair only to
Be pulled back out again
I wonder now
Where should I stand

I love you
I love him
What we have
Is not what he and I did
This feeling is different
But both are true

Told myself I hate him
For so long, I nearly believed it
I want to forgive him
Wonder if I can
Wonder if I can

I'd just stopped seeing his face in dreams
You'd only just rescued me
The words inside just bring me down
The "uh oh" part, and the "why now"
What I'd begun to build with you
Is on such shaky ground
All I know is
It won't fall down

I'm supposed
To love him
Tu run back into his arms and forgive him
In a perfect world, it
Would be an easy choice

All I ever wanted
Seems to be
Just what you wanna give
Just want to get past this
Turmoil in my heart
Wonder if I...

A new moon's rising, hold me close
Black as dust, I'm scared, it shows
Coveralls, apocalypse
Cede to the past
I see your lips
Stammering out apologies
You need not say, my love


I'm not alone...

The one I truly love
Is right here in front of me

Troika's End

Don't go
You're not finished yet
You've given up enough
This time, don't quit

Belltowers and broken hearts
They never listened, they never listened
Slowly, silently tear you apart
You're on a mission

Whisper in your sleep
Where you want to be
When you wake up.
When you wake up
Wake up
Don't go.

All wrong
Was too good to be true
Should've known from his tone
He never cared for you

Lairs and loose morals and life as a test
Following orders, following orders
Inviting in troubles you didn't expect
Run for the border
Don't you dare drift off
A dream, that's all it was
Damn every door still locked.
Doors still locked
Still locked
All wrong.

Memories we cannot trace
Back to beginnings, back to beginnings

If I could reach someone, anyone

He still needs me, he still needs me

Looking back, I loved every one

Oh, I still see, oh, I still feel

No regrets

No hesitation

This is what has to happen...


Memories we cannot trace
Back to beginnings, back to beginnings
Unreadable look on his dying face
Future is dimming

Whisper while you sleep
Who you want to be
When you wake up.
Don't want to wake up
Wake up

He's gone.

So hey, I sort of love you

You make me happy.
I can't stop smiling when I'm talking to you.
Yes, yes, yes, yes, right
You know that already.
You already know those things.
I'm saying it all wrong
Or maybe I said it too soon
Because Now is when I should be telling you
And having it mean something--
Used 'em up already. All those words.
"You make me happy. You make me smile."
Used 'em all up--
"You cheer me up when I'm down. I like talking to you."
I've said it before
And so if I want to get across what I mean
I have to use bigger words.
Scarier words.
Seasick, with my legs teetering and my stomach
Twisting up into knots like this--
Bilious is the word, I think.
Those words.
Can I say them?
Probably if I do
I will have to tone them down with
Wordy diluters.
"So hey."
Those kinds of words.
"Sort of."
Those kinds of words.
If I throw in enough filler with those words,
Maybe they will be less scary.
Maybe then, I can say them.

Untitled

Kansas
A canvas
Of brown and off-white.

Colors
Each covers
A beautiful sight.

Autumn
Forgot 'em
And painted 'em bright.

Verdure
Will murmur
Observers incite.

Smolder
Grow golder
As sunset alights.

Moved by Fictional Strife, Part II (a.k.a. The Myth of Soullessness)

"Shush, silly, I'll provide for you," is what he is saying.
And she won't let him.
"You don't have to do this."
And she won't hear a word of it.
And there he is with all the good inside him laid so bare
And he cares cares cares so much it aches
And then she tells him,
"You cannot really feel."
And I must step back and wonder
Am I really the only one
The only person watching
Who realizes that that is all a myth?
Because all it's too pure
And much too sweet
To be empty gestures
To be self-serving words
Aimed at laying hold of satisfaction again.
It runs deeper, much deeper, this.
When he says "love", he means it.
And he's meant things for a long time now.
He's given up on the myth of
"Cannot feel"
The myth of "damned and condemned"
Because
None
Of
It
Is
Real.
Not one word of it.
And it's time that she
And everyone else
Gave up on it too.

My heart is warm

You're in the background and I am even more
You don't have the right hair and I don't have the right clothes
And I notice nothing
I'm a silly girl
I don't notice anything yet
And my heart is warm
My heart is warm

You're sitting casually and I'm in the corner
You don't talk much and I can't get close
And still I don't notice it
Or maybe do a little
But I'm not feeling anything yet
And my heart is warm
My heart is warm

He's in love and she's just confused
And we're eclipsed by them, and we're both cocooned
And I'm watching someone else
Yeah, I'm a silly girl
Headed for so many regrets
But my heart is warm
My heart is warm

She says never in uncertain terms and he holds on
And meanwhile I'll be hurt and so will you
And slowly we are growing
Independently
On one side and the other
And my heart is warm
My heart is warm

And suddenly the terms are certain, and then he doesn't care
And you watch her move and I watch him heal
And I will fall in love
With a silly boy
But it will not last
Yet, my heart is warm
My heart is warm

There'll be no him and her in that context again
And you and I take their places
And I'll be in someone's arms
Trying to feel something
But then I'll notice you
And my heart is warm
My heart is warm

I'll watch you from afar and you'll look the other way
And I'll try to get a little closer and you'll let me
But the distance persists
And I just blush and mutter
For a while, content
Because my heart is warm
My heart is warm

One day I will stop you and you will listen
And I'll tell you everything and you will nod
You'll say kind words
And turn me away gently
And I'll still be okay
Still, my heart is warm
My heart is warm

And for a while it is comfortable and easy
But those days pass way too fast
And you're still on my mind constantly
I'm a silly girl
You don't know you're still stuck in my head
But my heart is warm
My heart is warm

Then along comes bright and beautiful
And she has golden hair and every kind of charm
And I must know everything
Though I don't want to hear
You're the happiness I'll never get
And my heart is worn
My heart is worn
My heart is worn
My heart is worn
My heart is worn
All the right feelings, all the wrong times
My heart is worn
It's not the greatest pain, but it's enough
My heart is worn
My heart is worn