Untitled

TJ says he'll take me to Angel's house.
I like Angel.

Power Metal Lends Power Indeed

When I hear the words
"Like the phoenix arise from the ashes of life"
I feel like
Uh, of course I can do it.
Silly.

The Beginnings of a Great Story

(I never finished this, but here's a silly little something-or-other I've had laying around for a long time.)

There once was a man named Fred
Who lived on a bus in a shed.
Three antennae had he
And it filled him with glee
To cover his bagels with a buttery spread.
The shoes on his ears,
O! How little they were,
But he loved them so much all the same.
And if ever they matched,
He would bake a new batch
Of bagels, and hide them in trees.

Elucidation

When I'm ready for something new and prodigious,
I will say to you:
"I'm scared, yes, but please let me go."
When I want a moment to myself,
I will say harsh words
And try to make you want to leave
So I don't have to tell you that
I want you to go.
When I need you to stay with me
I will speak in riddles
Or say nothing at all
In an attempt to make you want to stay
And figure me out.
When my love for you overflows
I will say to you:
"I'm feeling great today"
Even when I'm on the verge of tears
Because I don't want you to worry
Or hurt because of me.
When you criticize me
I will close my mind to logic
And hurl every ridiculous counter at you
And pretend and pretend that you're wrong
Even if you're very right
And pretend I didn't hear you
Even though the words still ring in my ears
Because I can't stand to think that
I messed up and failed to make you smile
And made you think of bad things instead.
When I am feeling abject
I will whisper sadly,
"Maybe someday he will love me."
When I am strong and know I can do anything
On my own strength alone
I will be saying,
"I don't want a boyfriend."
When I am unmoving and silent,
Inside I am anything but--
my mind is spinning and closing in on itself so violently
That I can't think what to do or say
Beyond "breathe in, breathe out, try not to cry."
When you ask me to do something and I hesitate,
I am not saying
"I will not do it";
I am really saying
"I am so scared that I will fail if I try."
When you say "I love you" and I say "Really?"
I am not joking around; I really need to hear it again
In order to reassure myself.
When you are crying and I am angry,
It is myself I am angry at, because I should be able to
Prevent you from being sad always.
When I say my home is depressing
It's because I must remind myself
Of the Bigger Picture.
When just looking at you gets me grinning,
It's because you reminded me of something good.
When I'm clearly trying too hard to please you,
It's because I want looking at me
To bring you good memories, too.
Believe me when I look in your eyes and say
"I love you, you know"
because I would never say it
If I didn't mean it
With all of my heart.

~Sha.la.la.la.la.~

It
was like
someone was tapping me on the shoulder.
It brought
to mind
everything at once, and nothing fantastic or
extraordinary.
It was
as if
this was going to be my entire life
and if I escaped
I would be bracing myself
for
the punchline.
It was
so very difficult and
lousy with the obstacles
I felt I could never
overleap
and yet
it was
so easy, like sailing
and knowing
that getting stuck in irons
only meant
waiting for the wind to change
and knowing that it inevitably would.
And speaking of being in irons,
even the times of stationary frustration
were not devoid of
things to see and enjoy
and could even be
peaceful.
And so
she asks
if I am ready to leave
and if
I am scared enough
to sabotage
to think backwardly and to
stake myself to the linoleum
And I
With confidence
Say
No, of course not.
And yet
Once I am gone
I won't be able
to say
it was all bad
anymore.
I will
have to
admit
to everyone, starting with
myself
that it was a gentle
if frustrating
road I've been on
and the bright times
outshined
the bad
and it wouldn't be
totally crazy
if I didn't want
to leave.
And when that time comes
I will also admit
that it was all of you
even the ones I scorned, or
wanted to
that will make me remember
that gentle rhythm on my shoulder
and smile;
it was all of you
and not
just the object of my
one-track mind that will ultimately
remind me
that it's never too late
to repaint the walls.
And since I can't see those
pale pink lines anymore
and have made headway
on discovering the bounds of
my weaknesses, yes
but my strengths too
I can see how soon
I'm gonna hit that next chapter--
the one
I thought
not too long ago
was an utter impossibility.
My whole world for these
long years
will give at my fingertips
and allow me to rend it to shards.
I will choose my best of them
and carry them on
to where I'm going next.
I hope
those shards
will stay with me always
never losing their sheen
and at a moment's notice
picking up
like leaves in autumn wind
to commemorate
in whispers
with me.

Merry Go Round, English Version

Doing something different today. You listen instead of reading.
Actually, you can read too. I'll post lyrics below.
But first download this and press play, then come back and read as you listen:
http://www.zshare.net/audio/596059585e515e9a/
Okay, lyrics:

I set out in my old sneakers
In a wave of faces struggling against the crowd
Out on my own
Can I come back?
I keep wondering if I did the right thing

Colors blurring in the beautiful streetsides
I can hardly see a thing on my way home
Crazy passion, Easy action
I just wanted you to come take it all from me

My tears are a merry-go-round
And I'm losing myself to the shining
I'm just a baby, oh mind
Goodbye to this merry-go-round
I gave all my love all for nothing 'cause
This feeling's the merry-go-round

I find myself at an intersection
No matter how hard I wish,
I know that there's no turning back
You were so kind
Can I come back?
Though I'd surely never forgive myself then

The signal's green so I keep on going
Let my feet carry me ever forward now
What can I do?
Is this all?
I just wanted you to come and follow me

My tears are a merry-go-round
And I'm losing myself to the shining
I'm just a baby, oh mind
Goodbye to this merry-go-round
I gave all my love all for nothing 'cause
This feeling's the merry-go-round

My tears are a merry-go-round
My despair won't stop
I am breaking
I'm just a baby, oh mind
Goodbye is a merry-go-round
Please don't dissappear
That's my only wish
And this feeling's a merry-go-round

Carrie's Song

Yeah, I'm out of stuff guys. At least for the time being. So I did some searching on the old computer and dug up a song I was going to use in a fanfic a long time ago... it has nothing to do with me or anything that's happened in my life, 'cause... yeah, it was for a fanfic. One that I never finished. So it was just lying around without a purpose(hey, like me!) so I might as well share it with all of you. ^^
It doesn't really have a title. It was meant to be written and sung my an OC named Carrie, so we'll call it "Carrie's Song" for now. =]

I want to make up a million songs
About the way you made me feel
None of them would do it justice
‘Cause you’re the one who gave me
A reason to be

It may seem pointless sometimes but
Somehow I know I’ll make it through
And I could say the same for you
But you’re imprisoned by the things you just can’t forget
Do you know that I love you?
I would die just to save you

You are the sun that lights the world

When you keep away it just prolongs
The things that we both know are real
‘Cause you’re the one who made me
Try to break free

I may seem helpless sometimes but
Somehow I know I’ll make it through
And I could say the same for you
But you’re just standing there, not wanting to save yourself
Do you know that you’re worth it?
Do you know what you mean to me?
I’ll tell you

You are the sun that lights my life

Somehow I know I’ll make it through
I want to say the same for you
Whether you want to stay by my side or run away again
Take my heart with you
I don’t want to give it to anybody else

You are the sun that lights
Everything