My Contradictions

I do not feel like crying.
I feel like laughing and playing bright music
And singing along at the top of my lungs.
I think I may be slightly insane.
Because, you see, I'll never meet anyone like you again.
And yet it's fine if you never feel the same.
Just your mitigating friendship
Your proximity
Will suffice.
This is what will happen:
See,
I will move far away.
Alright, so it's not that far,
It's eight hours at the very most.
But I will go there because I have no choice
And miss the mountains anyhow
And you've said you'll come
But probably you won't often.
And maybe I won't come back often, either.
But it will be okay.
I'm just happy to have had the time
The obscure little jokes that you inexplicably understand
The moments where I was almost one of the guys
And thus stopped thinking about my girlness and trying to impress you
And everything will be quite okay.
I do not even feel like crying at all.
I am somehow smiling, thinking about how it will be.
And how it has been.
And I am crazy for it.
Let me sing loudly to my music and dream up how I will tell my new friends
The ones I make eight hours away from you
About how I know someone off someplace
Who will probably never love me
And how I am perfectly okay with it.
They will think I am a loon.
They will be right.
I'm pretty sure I love you.

Smooth-Roasted Doubt

I can doubt and doubt
And doubt and doubt myself
Into oblivion
Until I can hardly look you in the eyes
Until I can hardly pass by you
And why?
What am I afraid of?
But it's the doubting
That holds me back
Nearly every single time.
It's not just you.
In fact, it's hardly you at all.
Who are you anyway?
I know your first name
And not much else.
You are
Merely
The metaphor
For the rest of my life,
Aren't you?
It almost seems symbolic,
So I want to handle this properly.
If I take one tiny step forward,
Will the world really change?
The pencil in my hand
Is poised spiritedly over the page.
And yet...

Moderation and Explanations. Not a poem.

Okay, so I've started adding labels to things to make this blog more organized. Organization is not my thing, and I find it to be highly overrated, but in this case I'll oblige.
Here are the labels, and what they mean:
old stuff: These are pieces that were written a long time before they were posted. I usually post old stuff when I have writer's block but still want to post something, so I go and grab something I wrote a million years ago and put it up. This could be anything from stuff I wrote a year ago to stuff I wrote when I was hardly old enough to write.
listenable: These are posts with an audio file or video, usually either of me singing or me reciting a poem that sounds better when read aloud. Usually the audio file or video will be imbedded on this site, but sometimes I'll need an...
off-site link: This indicates a post that will require you to go to another website or to download something.
kayla-style: these are poems that did not exist before I clicked the "New Post" button to put them up. They are composed and put into words for the first time in the blog window.
olivia: I write a lot of poems about my little sister, so she gets her own category. =]
song lyrics: pretty self-explanatory. Stuff I wrote that's intended to be sung.
translation: these are English adaptations of poems or songs that were originally in a foreign language. I don't consider these to be entirely my work, since the original was conceived by someone else, but it is sort of an art to translate something and still maintain the meaning, tone, meter, and rhyme scheme of the original.
paapik: This is a particular series of poems I've been working on that are about people I know. Not every poem I write about someone I know will have this label, though, because not all of them belong to the PAAPIK series. It's like a specific collection of poems, or something like that.
not a poem: also self-explanatory, really. Stuff I post that could not even remotely be considered poetry, like my introductory post or this one here. They're not meant to be poems-- they're just explanations or updates or whatever.

Okay, happy browsing! Hopefully this helps in some little way.

Werewolf I

Does the werewolf want to be a werewolf?
Would the werewolf wish the same fate on a loved one?
Would the werewolf awash in wolfish winds wish to walk through worldly winds, whether he wants or withers?
Let's take a minute to ponder...
Does heaven exist for a werewolf, or
Will he always just smell earth or sulfur?
Ten
Werewolves
Set
Out
One
Night
And
Like
The
Moon
Are
Obscured
By
The
Relentless
Fog.
Does a werewolf raise his tail to signify his position in life?
I wonder about the werewolf.

Chinomi Vs. Potato

Okay, a long time ago I was gonna make this awesome radioplay. The idea was sorta spawned by Skype conversations with fellow aspiring voice actors. I was also going to use the offer of a role in this radioplay as leverage to get a role in a certain radioplay myself. I didn't get the role, and this radioplay also sorta fell through(mainly because I basically just selected th cast in private, wrote the script, then threw it at them and told them they had to be in it... and some were less obliging than others).
Anyway, I still have the script, so I've decided to post it here in its entirety.


Chinomi vs. Potato

Chase Bright: In the beginning, there was Chocolate.
Cleo: And it was scary.
Ocean Protector Empress: Very scary.
Terra Marilyn Roberson: But not nearly as scary as a potato.
Everyone: mutter in agreement
Terra: Potatoes are like… really scary.
Chase: Nanananana…. makes tapping noises
Cleo: LET’S BEGIN!

Chase: wakes up in a haunted thicket What... where am I?
Gerbitt: Chase… hug me. You know you want to.
Chase: What the…? Who are you?
Gerbitt: I’m Gerbitt the gerbil, and I will be your release.
[Somewhere in the background, Sakura says, “Releeeaaase-u!”]
Chase: …Fine. I doubt it ill make me feel better, but… hugs the gerbil You see? This is the third time this week. Hugging gerbils is of no use to me.
Gerbitt: Wow. You must really be down in the dumps! What’s got you in this haunted thicket anyway?
Chase: It’s Choclate. My beloved Choclate is gone, and I don’t know where she’s gone!
Gerbitt: So what are you doing sitting around here? You should be phoning your friends to help you look for this Choclate of yours, ASAP.
Chase: You see, Gerbitt… I don’t exactly have any friends. There’s this girl I’ve known for like 153 years but… no, forget it.
Gerbitt: No, who is it?
Chase: sigh Cleo. Her name is Cleo.
Gerbitt: If you’ve known her for 153 years, why aren’t you friends?
Chase: She’s a little bit of a fish. I don’t like fish. But I’ll call her anyway… this is urgent.
Gerbitt: Good luck, young traveler! I’ll be back… back… back… ack… (Echo effect. Chyeah.)

Cleo: Hello?
Chase: Hi Cleo.
Cleo: No wai. Chase… is that you?
Chase: sigh … Yeah, it’s me. Choclate’s gone missing, and I need your help.
Cleo: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Don’t worry, Chase! Even the most venomous koalas have to sleep sometimes!
Empress: Did someone say something about koalas? ghostly wail Whoooooo~!
Chase: Ocean Protector Empress! It’s you!
Empress: Who’s on the phone, Chase?
Chase: It’s Cleo.
Empress: That fish? No wai.
Chase: Yes wai.
Cleo: Orly? I’m not a fish right now, guys. Let’s focus on what’s important!
Empress: I wouldn’t trust her, Chase! Hang up that phone!
Chase: What? Why?
Empress: HANG UP THE PHONE OR I’LL DO IT FOR YOU.
Chase: Nanananana… taptaptaptap
Empress: Listen to me, Chase. It’s Cleo. She’s the one who took your Choclate.
Everyone: gasps!
Chase: I don’t get it. How do you know that?
Empress: I used my night action to investigate her. She’s…
Everyone: IN THE MAFIA!
Chase: Let me call her back and ask.
Cleo: Hello? Chase?
Chase: Yeah, it’s me. I want to talk about Choclate, not koalas!
Cleo: Well… alright. Why don’t you come over to my boat? We’ll find the Choclate. I promise you.
Chase: Will do. See you soon, Cleo!
See? She’s not in the mafia.
Empress: I wouldn’t be so sure. In any case, you’d better get in that George Foreman grill of yours and head over to her boat to see. If you come back alive, we might spare her lynching.
Meanwhile…
Cleo: What can I do? If he takes the anti-Hideken mobile, I have no time at all. If he takes that other car, though… No, it’s no use! I’ll have to take a spaceship either way!
Rainbows: Squee! Squee!
Cleo: What the… RAINBOWS?! They must have been lured here by the smell of Choclate.
Rainbows: Squeeeee!
Cleo: I have no choice… stand back or I‘ll throw potatoes at you!
Rainbows: Squee squee?
Cleo: You asked for it! Hyyyaaaaa!
[The sound of a car approaching…]
Cleo: That’s the anti-Hideken mobile. It must be Chase Bright! No…There’s no time! Choclate, get out of here! Go pick up a 12-pack of shuriken at the supermarket.
Choclate: No… No! I won’t do it!
Cleo: Then to the carrots with you!
Choclate: Carrots? Where?
Cleo: Behind the canoe. Just sit there and eat your carrots quietly or I will be forced be forced to potato you.
[Doorbell.]
Cleo: Come in!
Chase: Sorry I’m late. I was chased by some frightened Rainbows on my way here. They acted like they’d just seen a potato!
Cleo: Wow, what a riot! Can I get you anything?
Chase: Carrots?
Cleo: NO! Anything but that!
Chase: But I smell carrots. Can’t I have some?
Cleo: That is NOT the smell of carrots. It’s the smell of… of…
Chase: CHOCLATE!
Cleo: Yes. I mean NO!
Chase: Admit it. My Choclate is here!
Cleo: How… how did you know?
Chase: The Empress told me. Always trust the Empress.
Gerbitt: And believe in the power of friendship!
Terra: And always lynch the mafiosos, Will!
Cleo: Who are you?
Terra: I’m the main character.
Everyone: murmurs in agreement

Chase: Catch you next time!

The Tune of Random Thoughts

Listenable stuff again today. Erm yeah.