Chinomi Vs. Potato

Okay, a long time ago I was gonna make this awesome radioplay. The idea was sorta spawned by Skype conversations with fellow aspiring voice actors. I was also going to use the offer of a role in this radioplay as leverage to get a role in a certain radioplay myself. I didn't get the role, and this radioplay also sorta fell through(mainly because I basically just selected th cast in private, wrote the script, then threw it at them and told them they had to be in it... and some were less obliging than others).
Anyway, I still have the script, so I've decided to post it here in its entirety.


Chinomi vs. Potato

Chase Bright: In the beginning, there was Chocolate.
Cleo: And it was scary.
Ocean Protector Empress: Very scary.
Terra Marilyn Roberson: But not nearly as scary as a potato.
Everyone: mutter in agreement
Terra: Potatoes are like… really scary.
Chase: Nanananana…. makes tapping noises
Cleo: LET’S BEGIN!

Chase: wakes up in a haunted thicket What... where am I?
Gerbitt: Chase… hug me. You know you want to.
Chase: What the…? Who are you?
Gerbitt: I’m Gerbitt the gerbil, and I will be your release.
[Somewhere in the background, Sakura says, “Releeeaaase-u!”]
Chase: …Fine. I doubt it ill make me feel better, but… hugs the gerbil You see? This is the third time this week. Hugging gerbils is of no use to me.
Gerbitt: Wow. You must really be down in the dumps! What’s got you in this haunted thicket anyway?
Chase: It’s Choclate. My beloved Choclate is gone, and I don’t know where she’s gone!
Gerbitt: So what are you doing sitting around here? You should be phoning your friends to help you look for this Choclate of yours, ASAP.
Chase: You see, Gerbitt… I don’t exactly have any friends. There’s this girl I’ve known for like 153 years but… no, forget it.
Gerbitt: No, who is it?
Chase: sigh Cleo. Her name is Cleo.
Gerbitt: If you’ve known her for 153 years, why aren’t you friends?
Chase: She’s a little bit of a fish. I don’t like fish. But I’ll call her anyway… this is urgent.
Gerbitt: Good luck, young traveler! I’ll be back… back… back… ack… (Echo effect. Chyeah.)

Cleo: Hello?
Chase: Hi Cleo.
Cleo: No wai. Chase… is that you?
Chase: sigh … Yeah, it’s me. Choclate’s gone missing, and I need your help.
Cleo: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Don’t worry, Chase! Even the most venomous koalas have to sleep sometimes!
Empress: Did someone say something about koalas? ghostly wail Whoooooo~!
Chase: Ocean Protector Empress! It’s you!
Empress: Who’s on the phone, Chase?
Chase: It’s Cleo.
Empress: That fish? No wai.
Chase: Yes wai.
Cleo: Orly? I’m not a fish right now, guys. Let’s focus on what’s important!
Empress: I wouldn’t trust her, Chase! Hang up that phone!
Chase: What? Why?
Empress: HANG UP THE PHONE OR I’LL DO IT FOR YOU.
Chase: Nanananana… taptaptaptap
Empress: Listen to me, Chase. It’s Cleo. She’s the one who took your Choclate.
Everyone: gasps!
Chase: I don’t get it. How do you know that?
Empress: I used my night action to investigate her. She’s…
Everyone: IN THE MAFIA!
Chase: Let me call her back and ask.
Cleo: Hello? Chase?
Chase: Yeah, it’s me. I want to talk about Choclate, not koalas!
Cleo: Well… alright. Why don’t you come over to my boat? We’ll find the Choclate. I promise you.
Chase: Will do. See you soon, Cleo!
See? She’s not in the mafia.
Empress: I wouldn’t be so sure. In any case, you’d better get in that George Foreman grill of yours and head over to her boat to see. If you come back alive, we might spare her lynching.
Meanwhile…
Cleo: What can I do? If he takes the anti-Hideken mobile, I have no time at all. If he takes that other car, though… No, it’s no use! I’ll have to take a spaceship either way!
Rainbows: Squee! Squee!
Cleo: What the… RAINBOWS?! They must have been lured here by the smell of Choclate.
Rainbows: Squeeeee!
Cleo: I have no choice… stand back or I‘ll throw potatoes at you!
Rainbows: Squee squee?
Cleo: You asked for it! Hyyyaaaaa!
[The sound of a car approaching…]
Cleo: That’s the anti-Hideken mobile. It must be Chase Bright! No…There’s no time! Choclate, get out of here! Go pick up a 12-pack of shuriken at the supermarket.
Choclate: No… No! I won’t do it!
Cleo: Then to the carrots with you!
Choclate: Carrots? Where?
Cleo: Behind the canoe. Just sit there and eat your carrots quietly or I will be forced be forced to potato you.
[Doorbell.]
Cleo: Come in!
Chase: Sorry I’m late. I was chased by some frightened Rainbows on my way here. They acted like they’d just seen a potato!
Cleo: Wow, what a riot! Can I get you anything?
Chase: Carrots?
Cleo: NO! Anything but that!
Chase: But I smell carrots. Can’t I have some?
Cleo: That is NOT the smell of carrots. It’s the smell of… of…
Chase: CHOCLATE!
Cleo: Yes. I mean NO!
Chase: Admit it. My Choclate is here!
Cleo: How… how did you know?
Chase: The Empress told me. Always trust the Empress.
Gerbitt: And believe in the power of friendship!
Terra: And always lynch the mafiosos, Will!
Cleo: Who are you?
Terra: I’m the main character.
Everyone: murmurs in agreement

Chase: Catch you next time!