My Contradictions

I do not feel like crying.
I feel like laughing and playing bright music
And singing along at the top of my lungs.
I think I may be slightly insane.
Because, you see, I'll never meet anyone like you again.
And yet it's fine if you never feel the same.
Just your mitigating friendship
Your proximity
Will suffice.
This is what will happen:
See,
I will move far away.
Alright, so it's not that far,
It's eight hours at the very most.
But I will go there because I have no choice
And miss the mountains anyhow
And you've said you'll come
But probably you won't often.
And maybe I won't come back often, either.
But it will be okay.
I'm just happy to have had the time
The obscure little jokes that you inexplicably understand
The moments where I was almost one of the guys
And thus stopped thinking about my girlness and trying to impress you
And everything will be quite okay.
I do not even feel like crying at all.
I am somehow smiling, thinking about how it will be.
And how it has been.
And I am crazy for it.
Let me sing loudly to my music and dream up how I will tell my new friends
The ones I make eight hours away from you
About how I know someone off someplace
Who will probably never love me
And how I am perfectly okay with it.
They will think I am a loon.
They will be right.
I'm pretty sure I love you.