A Wish

I had a thought.
All these words
Tumbling out
Not one
What I really want to say.
Holding something back.
I had a thought.

I had a dream.
Just waiting
By the cafe
Checking
My cellphone for your message
With giddy vigor.
I had a dream.

I had a hope.
Listening
As you tell me
Your heart
Still holds I'd wanted to
Be sure was still there.
I had a hope.

I had a vision.
You and me
On a porch swing
At dusk
Sipping hot chocolate and
Laughing nervously.
I had a vision.

I have a wish.
Snowflakes falling
All around me
As I
Imagine how it would be
If I could see you...
I have a wish.

x

Little Xs.
Little sealing Xs.
Like kisses--
Little sealing kisses.
Little words I've been waiting for.
Little words I'm gonna stop waiting for soon,
And go out and catch.
Catch 'em and bring 'em home.

Peach

The peach sits on the counter.
The peach, bright orange and red and yellow
Sits on the cold cream-colored marble of the counter
And contrasts in a way that builds adrenaline in the eye--
The common man becomes the photographer.
He frames the shot in his mind.
Does he own a camera? He wonders
And glances about the room
But ultimately comes back to look at the peach.
It's almost to pretty to move, isn't it?
Almost.
But it can't just sit there forever
Looking pretty
Because it will rot and rot away to nothing.
And so instead, it's just today's gift--
Today's fleeting, lovely gift
That nourishes and
Offers up a flavor that is such that
It builds adrenaline in the tongue
Almost stinging, almost metallic
To match the magnetic strength
Attracting the eye.
Today, he knows
Is going to be a lovely day.

Untitled

Twisted up pangs in my heart,
exuberant and dull.
Sort 'em out, sort 'em out,
This one here, that one there
Set that aside,
There's no place for it yet.
The boy I used to wish I could love
The one I'm happy to love now
Love's a funny word, though,
No?
Sort 'em out.
Set aside, Set inside
Watch the rain from the window.
Watch the sun through the clouds.
Whispering:
I still know you're there.
Songs on the radio in my imagination.
Piano ballad, saucy tune
Just like words in a book
From the very edge of my memory.
Nostalgia.
Draw a line and divide the space in two:
Here's where he and his belong.
Here's the place for everyone and everything before.
Sort 'em out.
Voice in a little box,
Flower blooming out and out
And out and out
And multiplying
Until there's no more room.
Stripes kicking lazily against the bright green.
Soothing.
Words in a screen, voice in a box.
Stop trying so hard
To sort 'em out.
Gather 'em all up and spread them against
The green,
The circles,
Pressed against the stripes.
Inches from my face,
Smiling.
Smiling, and just breathing in
The scent of all of it
And of here and now.

Second Death(With Concern for Dawn)

They smiled until I tried to say what felt
This room is where I belong now
I'm standing still while everyone else
Is learning to stand strong now

For every sacrifice that's made
There's an equal and opposite price to pay
For every gift that I've been given
There's a whole lot of guilt that I'm reliving

Especially now
Sis, especially now

The hardest thing in this world is to live in it
The hardest thing is to love and to live with it
When that love is taken for granted
Outright rejected
And it shows
On those faces

Oh sis I don't suppose
You'd rather be alone

No one seems to dare to hold me close
It's like they're scared of who I might become now
They don't listen when I need them to the most
I sit and stare at all I want to break from now

Those sincere eyes send out the words
I only wish didn't have to be hers
For every gift that I've been given
There's a whole lot of guilt that I'm reliving

Can you understand
Sis, can you understand?

The hardest thing in this world is to live in it
The hardest thing's just to live and to bear with it
When thing don't go how you planned them
Intentions abandoned
They don't know
How great the pain is

Oh sis don't take the leap
I'd rather it be me

The hardest thing
In this world
Is to live in it...

A New Moon Rising

Settle your hand on mine baby
That's all you have to do to save me
After all that's come to pass
A girl lost, unloved then found so fast
Then thrown into despair only to
Be pulled back out again
I wonder now
Where should I stand

I love you
I love him
What we have
Is not what he and I did
This feeling is different
But both are true

Told myself I hate him
For so long, I nearly believed it
I want to forgive him
Wonder if I can
Wonder if I can

I'd just stopped seeing his face in dreams
You'd only just rescued me
The words inside just bring me down
The "uh oh" part, and the "why now"
What I'd begun to build with you
Is on such shaky ground
All I know is
It won't fall down

I'm supposed
To love him
Tu run back into his arms and forgive him
In a perfect world, it
Would be an easy choice

All I ever wanted
Seems to be
Just what you wanna give
Just want to get past this
Turmoil in my heart
Wonder if I...

A new moon's rising, hold me close
Black as dust, I'm scared, it shows
Coveralls, apocalypse
Cede to the past
I see your lips
Stammering out apologies
You need not say, my love


I'm not alone...

The one I truly love
Is right here in front of me

Troika's End

Don't go
You're not finished yet
You've given up enough
This time, don't quit

Belltowers and broken hearts
They never listened, they never listened
Slowly, silently tear you apart
You're on a mission

Whisper in your sleep
Where you want to be
When you wake up.
When you wake up
Wake up
Don't go.

All wrong
Was too good to be true
Should've known from his tone
He never cared for you

Lairs and loose morals and life as a test
Following orders, following orders
Inviting in troubles you didn't expect
Run for the border
Don't you dare drift off
A dream, that's all it was
Damn every door still locked.
Doors still locked
Still locked
All wrong.

Memories we cannot trace
Back to beginnings, back to beginnings

If I could reach someone, anyone

He still needs me, he still needs me

Looking back, I loved every one

Oh, I still see, oh, I still feel

No regrets

No hesitation

This is what has to happen...


Memories we cannot trace
Back to beginnings, back to beginnings
Unreadable look on his dying face
Future is dimming

Whisper while you sleep
Who you want to be
When you wake up.
Don't want to wake up
Wake up

He's gone.

So hey, I sort of love you

You make me happy.
I can't stop smiling when I'm talking to you.
Yes, yes, yes, yes, right
You know that already.
You already know those things.
I'm saying it all wrong
Or maybe I said it too soon
Because Now is when I should be telling you
And having it mean something--
Used 'em up already. All those words.
"You make me happy. You make me smile."
Used 'em all up--
"You cheer me up when I'm down. I like talking to you."
I've said it before
And so if I want to get across what I mean
I have to use bigger words.
Scarier words.
Seasick, with my legs teetering and my stomach
Twisting up into knots like this--
Bilious is the word, I think.
Those words.
Can I say them?
Probably if I do
I will have to tone them down with
Wordy diluters.
"So hey."
Those kinds of words.
"Sort of."
Those kinds of words.
If I throw in enough filler with those words,
Maybe they will be less scary.
Maybe then, I can say them.

Untitled

Kansas
A canvas
Of brown and off-white.

Colors
Each covers
A beautiful sight.

Autumn
Forgot 'em
And painted 'em bright.

Verdure
Will murmur
Observers incite.

Smolder
Grow golder
As sunset alights.

Moved by Fictional Strife, Part II (a.k.a. The Myth of Soullessness)

"Shush, silly, I'll provide for you," is what he is saying.
And she won't let him.
"You don't have to do this."
And she won't hear a word of it.
And there he is with all the good inside him laid so bare
And he cares cares cares so much it aches
And then she tells him,
"You cannot really feel."
And I must step back and wonder
Am I really the only one
The only person watching
Who realizes that that is all a myth?
Because all it's too pure
And much too sweet
To be empty gestures
To be self-serving words
Aimed at laying hold of satisfaction again.
It runs deeper, much deeper, this.
When he says "love", he means it.
And he's meant things for a long time now.
He's given up on the myth of
"Cannot feel"
The myth of "damned and condemned"
Because
None
Of
It
Is
Real.
Not one word of it.
And it's time that she
And everyone else
Gave up on it too.

My heart is warm

You're in the background and I am even more
You don't have the right hair and I don't have the right clothes
And I notice nothing
I'm a silly girl
I don't notice anything yet
And my heart is warm
My heart is warm

You're sitting casually and I'm in the corner
You don't talk much and I can't get close
And still I don't notice it
Or maybe do a little
But I'm not feeling anything yet
And my heart is warm
My heart is warm

He's in love and she's just confused
And we're eclipsed by them, and we're both cocooned
And I'm watching someone else
Yeah, I'm a silly girl
Headed for so many regrets
But my heart is warm
My heart is warm

She says never in uncertain terms and he holds on
And meanwhile I'll be hurt and so will you
And slowly we are growing
Independently
On one side and the other
And my heart is warm
My heart is warm

And suddenly the terms are certain, and then he doesn't care
And you watch her move and I watch him heal
And I will fall in love
With a silly boy
But it will not last
Yet, my heart is warm
My heart is warm

There'll be no him and her in that context again
And you and I take their places
And I'll be in someone's arms
Trying to feel something
But then I'll notice you
And my heart is warm
My heart is warm

I'll watch you from afar and you'll look the other way
And I'll try to get a little closer and you'll let me
But the distance persists
And I just blush and mutter
For a while, content
Because my heart is warm
My heart is warm

One day I will stop you and you will listen
And I'll tell you everything and you will nod
You'll say kind words
And turn me away gently
And I'll still be okay
Still, my heart is warm
My heart is warm

And for a while it is comfortable and easy
But those days pass way too fast
And you're still on my mind constantly
I'm a silly girl
You don't know you're still stuck in my head
But my heart is warm
My heart is warm

Then along comes bright and beautiful
And she has golden hair and every kind of charm
And I must know everything
Though I don't want to hear
You're the happiness I'll never get
And my heart is worn
My heart is worn
My heart is worn
My heart is worn
My heart is worn
All the right feelings, all the wrong times
My heart is worn
It's not the greatest pain, but it's enough
My heart is worn
My heart is worn

Filament, rebar, stucco, paint

(Something I wrote for somebody.)

It's materials of gray
And gray matter
That builds.
It's green and it's blue and it's red
That
Fill in
That overflow
That make the build worth doing.
It's ancient words and
forgotten thoughts
Stuck in the cracks and
Us, breathing
Speaking new life to words that
Never were
That lay what's on top
Deciding
Where it goes from here.
And when one day
It is a room
In which people can
Stand and make laughter
And forget that they were worried
About anything
That is how it
Will be
Put together.
It's constructed from the bottom up
And the inside out
One single
Day at
A time.

Choices

One by one they come and
Lay their flowers and their stones
Down at my feet.
And they look up at me,
And I am supposed to
Guess which hands are dirty
Which hearts are uninspired
And which one is not terminal.
I'm talking about expiration dates and
Games and
Things that only pretend to be real.
And I
am SO
not good at guessing.

lucid

surrender it
now, NOW I am saying to you.
Drop your guard and come with me.
Stop tensing your shoulders-- no! Will you
STOP!
Let your hands dangle at your sides
And stop looking back behind you
And just follow me.
I would hold your hand, but you see,
I can't,
because-- Oh!
Look, there it is now.
Just up ahead there.
If you look into the darkness and just sort of
Let your eyes go out of focus
You can see it--
But it's just kind of like
A faint blue glow.
You have to really look.
It'll get more obvious
The further we walk.
Now come along please.
Do you trust me now?
It's not going to take much longer
And
We'll be there and
You can wake up.

which, I wonder

But you see, it's confusing because now I am crying.
And I just wish I was different.
I wish it so hard it devours me.
And if I were different, maybe he would love me and
Things would be different and
Maybe I would be happier?
But
As it is now,
I am just me.
I'm not the "type"
I'm not the pretty one
And so
The choice should be clear.
And sometimes, it is.
But right now, I am crying.

After all, he's the one who makes me smile when I'm down, right?

Wait wait wait wait.
Whose face
Did I see in
My dream
Last night?

Moved by Fictional Strife

He is looking at her
With that vulnerable expression
And she is saying
"Stay away from me"
And it is like she is
Punching him in the face and
Cutting off his air supply--
That is, if he needed one.
And I am so
Caught up in it
That I even forget that
Something like
This
Is not
Real.

Song of Night

There was a time
When I stood on a stage
Wearing black
And sang
(Among others)
these words:
"Riding on the wings of our dreams."
Make of that what you will.

In Twos

selfish selfish.
I want
the love
of people
whose love
I have
no right
asking for.
so selfish.
I reject
the love
of people
who are
practically shoving
it in
my face.
misguided me.
I don't
know what
I want
or who
I want
it from
most of
the time.
misguided, misinformed.
I act
so petty
that it
takes me
aback sometimes.

Regression

I didn't say a word to you
And you, not one to me
I only stopped and saw from you
A nod, a wave.
Received.
I felt this way a while back...
Longer than it seems?
Despite the time I've not seen you,
I love you all the same.
No less
And yes, maybe more
The stuff that absence makes?
I felt like I could
hardly breathe
I ask
You give
I take.
Your face to me is
an analeptic
that takes its job
too far
And I
could only
curse
my silence
sitting in that car.
I should have said
how much I missed you
somehow
with
my eyes?
I choked on words
before they reached you.
Chance gone. Still hypnotized.
The next time fate
should draw us to
the same
vicinity
I'm gonna stop and talk to you.
I want
your words
for me.

Eighteen word memoir

(This is from the latest challenge on Soul Pancake: to write a memoir in as many words as years you've lived. It's not great, but here's mine.)

I'm a more quirky, bright, optimistic product of the people and things I love than before turning eighteen.

I'll continue.

What if it takes me another week
Another year
Another lifetime
To find my pace
After I lost it for so long?
What if I disappoint them
Once more
Twice more
So may times that they lose count
And can't ever trust me again?
What if I fall in love
With another boy someday
With a whole timeline of other boys
And when I look back on it someday
Each one has a big X next to it
That marks the part where it turned out
I wasn't good enough for him?
What if I try do do something
And then something else
And then fifty million other things
That I am not as good at
As most everyone else
And no one wants to pay me money
For my mediocre work?
...
I'll continue, I guess.
I'll continue.

And he was gone forever

Her name will be like fire
And her words be filled with breath
And her eyes will scream desire
Look! She's turning to his death

The world will fall around her
She'll see her sanctuary burn
Her eyes are growing rounder
For she'll have no place to turn

They will bring his body to her
She is telling him goodbye
And her days will still grow fewer
Her tears will not find his reply

She is curled up in her den once more
But she will find no solace there
Her mantra will be to fate deplore
And "come back to me" her prayer

Out of Bloom

Stop, just
STOP.
You are
being
too overbearing.
I know you are
not
thinking clearly
But
Can you try to?
Both of
us
Need to get some sleep now.

よるをおいかけて(WIP)

まよなかに
ひそんでいた
ねたときに
めをあけた
Blackness of midnight
Hid me clean away
When you fell asleep
I opened my eyes

Another random thought.

Lately my little sis calls me "Mi-Jo." Like, short for Jami Jo.
Cutecutecutecute >.< I love my sister. So very much. You're the greatest, Oliviprettya.

Untitled

The people in my head
Want to get out, want to get free
Want to crawl onto pages
Latch on to bodies of their own
They want to tell everyone who they are
Not just me
They want to scream out that they have faults
And dreams and ideas
Opinions about the world they live in
And those in which they don't
And they want to speak 'cause they have voices
And they want to strive and fail and then strive again
And fight until everyone knows that they are real
They are as real as anyone
Who ever graced a page.
They want someone to reach out and touch their faces
And be startled by the warmth
Of their real, living flesh
And marvel at the fact that
It was spun, all of it spun
From mere imagination and nothing else.

Discordant.

Black shoes and burdens abound
Is what it's like to have it around
This nagging voice in the back of my head
Saying something's gotta give,
You gotta get up again

I could stop listening
For five minutes
I could turn on the music
Until I get loose of it
But I don't
No, I never do
I'm not that kind of strong

Black dress and frozen ground
I try to find comfort in some new sound
This tension is always calling my name
Telling me I'm just asleep
Until I make a change

I'll try to drown it out
For five minutes
I'll just listen to the music
Until I get wind of it
It's no use
No, it never is
At least, never for long

I wrap myself up, all in black
Try to remember what a better me would do
I hear that voice and I call back
I'm not gonna sit here and take it like I used to

And when the sunlight comes streaming in
And I have a million pages of memories
I hope no one wears black for me
I hope they dress like
The snow or the trees or the earth or the sea
Oh please

This world has got much more for me
Than a sharp tongue like that
I'll drown it out
I'm calling back
You won't have a hold on me for long
The music
For five minutes
I'm all kinds of strong

earphone earbug earworm earbud

it's soothing soothing soothing
your
voice
it's catching catching catching
me
up
in
its spell.

I'm welding my feet
to the
earth
via this
stream of gloaming light
you're conjuring
in
my mind.

I'm opening
the
space between my brow
and the top of my head
to be cleaved like
a lemon
leaking
such a
potent
scent--
I'm
asking in
silver-colored light.

questions like
"how ought I to communicate with you?"
are not at all
what
crossed my mind before
before
I
started listening
but now
they are as much
a
part
of my
stream of consciousness as
any mantra
that
threatened to
never
leave me.

one little bit at a time
everything
gives itself to that
process
you call
"transmutation"
and then
comes
flowing back
to me.

I am
dreaming
but
I am awake and
I am aware and
I am listening to
your
soothing soothing soothing voice
and
being
quietly
changed
from
the inside.

CHE.R.RY (english version)

Preliminary(rough draft) English version of another YUI song.
This time, an uncharacteristically girlish, cutesy love song by YUI. I usually don't like songs in this vein, but YUI nailed it with this one.
I'm still working on getting everything to match the meter perfectly, but it probably won't change much ultimately, and it's at least singable as it is. Oh, not singable by me though, because it's way out of my range. But I present you with the lyrics anyway.

CHE.R.RY (English version)

Tiny phones shivers in my palm
Somehow incites just a little bit of bravery
I quickly tire of emoticons
But if it's you, they can still get a smile from me

My friends all say that I should play hard to get
I shouldn't be so quick to answer your texts
But answering straight off is all I can do
Because I love you
Ah ah ah ah

I fell head over heels for you
Come on boy, haven't you realized yet?
I whisper prayers to the stars in the sky
Cherry
Let these fingers convey a message that'll reach you, baby

Cherry blossoms open to full bloom
I can see it all from here where I'm standing
Wish that somehow I could could leave this room
For ten seconds just see the world you see

But really I'd prefer just to hear my phone ring
Even one line is fine, really, anything
Even if it's all lies, I'll pretend it's true
Because I love you
Ah ah ah ah

I fell head over heels for you
Come on boy, haven't you realized yet?
I whisper prayers to the stars in the sky
Cherry
Let these fingers convey a message that'll reach you, baby

The fruits on the trees that start out sour
Can always grow sweet
I hope my words can
Harness that power
Ah ah ah ah

My heart twists and turns for you
Just how love always feels when it begins
But I know I will wait like this for you always
Spring is offering to send you this message on its cold winds, baby

I fell head over heels for you
Come on boy, haven't you realized yet?
I whisper prayers to the stars in the sky
Cherry
Let these fingers convey a message that'll reach you, baby

Affecting

The world I saw
The "someone tapping me on the shoulder" world
Crumbled.
Fell
Completely
Apart
Around me.
I knew that this time,
I could never repent.
I knew that now,
It was all over for real.
And somehow
This time
I did not think of death.
I could think of nothing at all
But
Those words saying that
My existence meant something
Because
It meant that her existence meant something.
We two
Are
Mutual justifying
One another.
And so
Even now
When I know it is over for me
I cannot give up my life
Because it is not over for
Us.

Is This Too Obvious?

Call me someday maybe
Or just stop by and say hello
Reminisce with me about the good times
Make me smile like you always do
Actually, it doesn't matter what we do
Can you understand that I just want to see you?

My dreams be [Yours]

The you part of me
Is shifting
Is turning to different lyrics
To explain itself
In verses I've long known
But never knew were yours.

You reach out and take these tunes
The same way you stole my heart
And the same way you broke it:
Without warning
Without any cause you could explain.

And am I disillusioned
To smile?
To find comfort in
Your presence in these familiar songs
To find comfort in
You?

Everyone seems to know
How I should feel
How I should hate you
Should be less forgiving.

You were my destroyer, true
You were
But before that
You were my best friend.

Condemn me if you must, world
For seeing a great kindness
To be much stronger
Than a great cruelty.

How many songs have I found you in?
How great a variety?
How very fundamental is
The you part of me still
That it shows itself in
Something as basic as music?
You are basic to me, yes
As surely as you were base.

And so now the song is
One of moving forward
But with sympathy for
The past

It contains a lot of Ifs, this song
And a lot of Wants
A lot of I Believes
But the part that's certain is
That I will stay in your heart
And you in mine
And yet, above all
I will stay free.

Blue Wind (Work in Progress)

More of my crappy singing. Once again, I know I cannot carry a tune. This is not to showcase my singing talents, it is to showcase the lyrics. Anyway... it's acapella this time, and something that is as of yet unfinished. Video explains the rest... enjoy?




[edit] Lyrics:

Why are you suddenly talking like this to me I wonder?
Actually you're not saying a thing

Unlike you hope is all I have left to my name now
I can't figure how to say what I believe

You reach out hand like you want to comfort me even now...
Thank you my friend

You always perplexed everyone
I myself didn't get any of your jokes then
You, you were so kind at heart
and that I understood better than anyone

I was taught that inventors are the greats of our time
Working day and night to improve the world

But somehow I've come to think the common people greater still
Those of us who strive to live long, happy lives

And so as for me
I can't just stand in the wind crying like this
I must keep going

You, I won't forget what you said
That God's the reason you and I found each other
You made me start smiling about it
Motto ki no kitta koto itte yo

A Thought

I am human
Because
I have no choice
But even in that
I can find my own
Simplicity.

My Contradictions

I do not feel like crying.
I feel like laughing and playing bright music
And singing along at the top of my lungs.
I think I may be slightly insane.
Because, you see, I'll never meet anyone like you again.
And yet it's fine if you never feel the same.
Just your mitigating friendship
Your proximity
Will suffice.
This is what will happen:
See,
I will move far away.
Alright, so it's not that far,
It's eight hours at the very most.
But I will go there because I have no choice
And miss the mountains anyhow
And you've said you'll come
But probably you won't often.
And maybe I won't come back often, either.
But it will be okay.
I'm just happy to have had the time
The obscure little jokes that you inexplicably understand
The moments where I was almost one of the guys
And thus stopped thinking about my girlness and trying to impress you
And everything will be quite okay.
I do not even feel like crying at all.
I am somehow smiling, thinking about how it will be.
And how it has been.
And I am crazy for it.
Let me sing loudly to my music and dream up how I will tell my new friends
The ones I make eight hours away from you
About how I know someone off someplace
Who will probably never love me
And how I am perfectly okay with it.
They will think I am a loon.
They will be right.
I'm pretty sure I love you.

Smooth-Roasted Doubt

I can doubt and doubt
And doubt and doubt myself
Into oblivion
Until I can hardly look you in the eyes
Until I can hardly pass by you
And why?
What am I afraid of?
But it's the doubting
That holds me back
Nearly every single time.
It's not just you.
In fact, it's hardly you at all.
Who are you anyway?
I know your first name
And not much else.
You are
Merely
The metaphor
For the rest of my life,
Aren't you?
It almost seems symbolic,
So I want to handle this properly.
If I take one tiny step forward,
Will the world really change?
The pencil in my hand
Is poised spiritedly over the page.
And yet...

Moderation and Explanations. Not a poem.

Okay, so I've started adding labels to things to make this blog more organized. Organization is not my thing, and I find it to be highly overrated, but in this case I'll oblige.
Here are the labels, and what they mean:
old stuff: These are pieces that were written a long time before they were posted. I usually post old stuff when I have writer's block but still want to post something, so I go and grab something I wrote a million years ago and put it up. This could be anything from stuff I wrote a year ago to stuff I wrote when I was hardly old enough to write.
listenable: These are posts with an audio file or video, usually either of me singing or me reciting a poem that sounds better when read aloud. Usually the audio file or video will be imbedded on this site, but sometimes I'll need an...
off-site link: This indicates a post that will require you to go to another website or to download something.
kayla-style: these are poems that did not exist before I clicked the "New Post" button to put them up. They are composed and put into words for the first time in the blog window.
olivia: I write a lot of poems about my little sister, so she gets her own category. =]
song lyrics: pretty self-explanatory. Stuff I wrote that's intended to be sung.
translation: these are English adaptations of poems or songs that were originally in a foreign language. I don't consider these to be entirely my work, since the original was conceived by someone else, but it is sort of an art to translate something and still maintain the meaning, tone, meter, and rhyme scheme of the original.
paapik: This is a particular series of poems I've been working on that are about people I know. Not every poem I write about someone I know will have this label, though, because not all of them belong to the PAAPIK series. It's like a specific collection of poems, or something like that.
not a poem: also self-explanatory, really. Stuff I post that could not even remotely be considered poetry, like my introductory post or this one here. They're not meant to be poems-- they're just explanations or updates or whatever.

Okay, happy browsing! Hopefully this helps in some little way.

Werewolf I

Does the werewolf want to be a werewolf?
Would the werewolf wish the same fate on a loved one?
Would the werewolf awash in wolfish winds wish to walk through worldly winds, whether he wants or withers?
Let's take a minute to ponder...
Does heaven exist for a werewolf, or
Will he always just smell earth or sulfur?
Ten
Werewolves
Set
Out
One
Night
And
Like
The
Moon
Are
Obscured
By
The
Relentless
Fog.
Does a werewolf raise his tail to signify his position in life?
I wonder about the werewolf.

Chinomi Vs. Potato

Okay, a long time ago I was gonna make this awesome radioplay. The idea was sorta spawned by Skype conversations with fellow aspiring voice actors. I was also going to use the offer of a role in this radioplay as leverage to get a role in a certain radioplay myself. I didn't get the role, and this radioplay also sorta fell through(mainly because I basically just selected th cast in private, wrote the script, then threw it at them and told them they had to be in it... and some were less obliging than others).
Anyway, I still have the script, so I've decided to post it here in its entirety.


Chinomi vs. Potato

Chase Bright: In the beginning, there was Chocolate.
Cleo: And it was scary.
Ocean Protector Empress: Very scary.
Terra Marilyn Roberson: But not nearly as scary as a potato.
Everyone: mutter in agreement
Terra: Potatoes are like… really scary.
Chase: Nanananana…. makes tapping noises
Cleo: LET’S BEGIN!

Chase: wakes up in a haunted thicket What... where am I?
Gerbitt: Chase… hug me. You know you want to.
Chase: What the…? Who are you?
Gerbitt: I’m Gerbitt the gerbil, and I will be your release.
[Somewhere in the background, Sakura says, “Releeeaaase-u!”]
Chase: …Fine. I doubt it ill make me feel better, but… hugs the gerbil You see? This is the third time this week. Hugging gerbils is of no use to me.
Gerbitt: Wow. You must really be down in the dumps! What’s got you in this haunted thicket anyway?
Chase: It’s Choclate. My beloved Choclate is gone, and I don’t know where she’s gone!
Gerbitt: So what are you doing sitting around here? You should be phoning your friends to help you look for this Choclate of yours, ASAP.
Chase: You see, Gerbitt… I don’t exactly have any friends. There’s this girl I’ve known for like 153 years but… no, forget it.
Gerbitt: No, who is it?
Chase: sigh Cleo. Her name is Cleo.
Gerbitt: If you’ve known her for 153 years, why aren’t you friends?
Chase: She’s a little bit of a fish. I don’t like fish. But I’ll call her anyway… this is urgent.
Gerbitt: Good luck, young traveler! I’ll be back… back… back… ack… (Echo effect. Chyeah.)

Cleo: Hello?
Chase: Hi Cleo.
Cleo: No wai. Chase… is that you?
Chase: sigh … Yeah, it’s me. Choclate’s gone missing, and I need your help.
Cleo: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Don’t worry, Chase! Even the most venomous koalas have to sleep sometimes!
Empress: Did someone say something about koalas? ghostly wail Whoooooo~!
Chase: Ocean Protector Empress! It’s you!
Empress: Who’s on the phone, Chase?
Chase: It’s Cleo.
Empress: That fish? No wai.
Chase: Yes wai.
Cleo: Orly? I’m not a fish right now, guys. Let’s focus on what’s important!
Empress: I wouldn’t trust her, Chase! Hang up that phone!
Chase: What? Why?
Empress: HANG UP THE PHONE OR I’LL DO IT FOR YOU.
Chase: Nanananana… taptaptaptap
Empress: Listen to me, Chase. It’s Cleo. She’s the one who took your Choclate.
Everyone: gasps!
Chase: I don’t get it. How do you know that?
Empress: I used my night action to investigate her. She’s…
Everyone: IN THE MAFIA!
Chase: Let me call her back and ask.
Cleo: Hello? Chase?
Chase: Yeah, it’s me. I want to talk about Choclate, not koalas!
Cleo: Well… alright. Why don’t you come over to my boat? We’ll find the Choclate. I promise you.
Chase: Will do. See you soon, Cleo!
See? She’s not in the mafia.
Empress: I wouldn’t be so sure. In any case, you’d better get in that George Foreman grill of yours and head over to her boat to see. If you come back alive, we might spare her lynching.
Meanwhile…
Cleo: What can I do? If he takes the anti-Hideken mobile, I have no time at all. If he takes that other car, though… No, it’s no use! I’ll have to take a spaceship either way!
Rainbows: Squee! Squee!
Cleo: What the… RAINBOWS?! They must have been lured here by the smell of Choclate.
Rainbows: Squeeeee!
Cleo: I have no choice… stand back or I‘ll throw potatoes at you!
Rainbows: Squee squee?
Cleo: You asked for it! Hyyyaaaaa!
[The sound of a car approaching…]
Cleo: That’s the anti-Hideken mobile. It must be Chase Bright! No…There’s no time! Choclate, get out of here! Go pick up a 12-pack of shuriken at the supermarket.
Choclate: No… No! I won’t do it!
Cleo: Then to the carrots with you!
Choclate: Carrots? Where?
Cleo: Behind the canoe. Just sit there and eat your carrots quietly or I will be forced be forced to potato you.
[Doorbell.]
Cleo: Come in!
Chase: Sorry I’m late. I was chased by some frightened Rainbows on my way here. They acted like they’d just seen a potato!
Cleo: Wow, what a riot! Can I get you anything?
Chase: Carrots?
Cleo: NO! Anything but that!
Chase: But I smell carrots. Can’t I have some?
Cleo: That is NOT the smell of carrots. It’s the smell of… of…
Chase: CHOCLATE!
Cleo: Yes. I mean NO!
Chase: Admit it. My Choclate is here!
Cleo: How… how did you know?
Chase: The Empress told me. Always trust the Empress.
Gerbitt: And believe in the power of friendship!
Terra: And always lynch the mafiosos, Will!
Cleo: Who are you?
Terra: I’m the main character.
Everyone: murmurs in agreement

Chase: Catch you next time!

The Tune of Random Thoughts

Listenable stuff again today. Erm yeah.

Untitled

TJ says he'll take me to Angel's house.
I like Angel.

Power Metal Lends Power Indeed

When I hear the words
"Like the phoenix arise from the ashes of life"
I feel like
Uh, of course I can do it.
Silly.

The Beginnings of a Great Story

(I never finished this, but here's a silly little something-or-other I've had laying around for a long time.)

There once was a man named Fred
Who lived on a bus in a shed.
Three antennae had he
And it filled him with glee
To cover his bagels with a buttery spread.
The shoes on his ears,
O! How little they were,
But he loved them so much all the same.
And if ever they matched,
He would bake a new batch
Of bagels, and hide them in trees.

Elucidation

When I'm ready for something new and prodigious,
I will say to you:
"I'm scared, yes, but please let me go."
When I want a moment to myself,
I will say harsh words
And try to make you want to leave
So I don't have to tell you that
I want you to go.
When I need you to stay with me
I will speak in riddles
Or say nothing at all
In an attempt to make you want to stay
And figure me out.
When my love for you overflows
I will say to you:
"I'm feeling great today"
Even when I'm on the verge of tears
Because I don't want you to worry
Or hurt because of me.
When you criticize me
I will close my mind to logic
And hurl every ridiculous counter at you
And pretend and pretend that you're wrong
Even if you're very right
And pretend I didn't hear you
Even though the words still ring in my ears
Because I can't stand to think that
I messed up and failed to make you smile
And made you think of bad things instead.
When I am feeling abject
I will whisper sadly,
"Maybe someday he will love me."
When I am strong and know I can do anything
On my own strength alone
I will be saying,
"I don't want a boyfriend."
When I am unmoving and silent,
Inside I am anything but--
my mind is spinning and closing in on itself so violently
That I can't think what to do or say
Beyond "breathe in, breathe out, try not to cry."
When you ask me to do something and I hesitate,
I am not saying
"I will not do it";
I am really saying
"I am so scared that I will fail if I try."
When you say "I love you" and I say "Really?"
I am not joking around; I really need to hear it again
In order to reassure myself.
When you are crying and I am angry,
It is myself I am angry at, because I should be able to
Prevent you from being sad always.
When I say my home is depressing
It's because I must remind myself
Of the Bigger Picture.
When just looking at you gets me grinning,
It's because you reminded me of something good.
When I'm clearly trying too hard to please you,
It's because I want looking at me
To bring you good memories, too.
Believe me when I look in your eyes and say
"I love you, you know"
because I would never say it
If I didn't mean it
With all of my heart.

~Sha.la.la.la.la.~

It
was like
someone was tapping me on the shoulder.
It brought
to mind
everything at once, and nothing fantastic or
extraordinary.
It was
as if
this was going to be my entire life
and if I escaped
I would be bracing myself
for
the punchline.
It was
so very difficult and
lousy with the obstacles
I felt I could never
overleap
and yet
it was
so easy, like sailing
and knowing
that getting stuck in irons
only meant
waiting for the wind to change
and knowing that it inevitably would.
And speaking of being in irons,
even the times of stationary frustration
were not devoid of
things to see and enjoy
and could even be
peaceful.
And so
she asks
if I am ready to leave
and if
I am scared enough
to sabotage
to think backwardly and to
stake myself to the linoleum
And I
With confidence
Say
No, of course not.
And yet
Once I am gone
I won't be able
to say
it was all bad
anymore.
I will
have to
admit
to everyone, starting with
myself
that it was a gentle
if frustrating
road I've been on
and the bright times
outshined
the bad
and it wouldn't be
totally crazy
if I didn't want
to leave.
And when that time comes
I will also admit
that it was all of you
even the ones I scorned, or
wanted to
that will make me remember
that gentle rhythm on my shoulder
and smile;
it was all of you
and not
just the object of my
one-track mind that will ultimately
remind me
that it's never too late
to repaint the walls.
And since I can't see those
pale pink lines anymore
and have made headway
on discovering the bounds of
my weaknesses, yes
but my strengths too
I can see how soon
I'm gonna hit that next chapter--
the one
I thought
not too long ago
was an utter impossibility.
My whole world for these
long years
will give at my fingertips
and allow me to rend it to shards.
I will choose my best of them
and carry them on
to where I'm going next.
I hope
those shards
will stay with me always
never losing their sheen
and at a moment's notice
picking up
like leaves in autumn wind
to commemorate
in whispers
with me.

Merry Go Round, English Version

Doing something different today. You listen instead of reading.
Actually, you can read too. I'll post lyrics below.
But first download this and press play, then come back and read as you listen:
http://www.zshare.net/audio/596059585e515e9a/
Okay, lyrics:

I set out in my old sneakers
In a wave of faces struggling against the crowd
Out on my own
Can I come back?
I keep wondering if I did the right thing

Colors blurring in the beautiful streetsides
I can hardly see a thing on my way home
Crazy passion, Easy action
I just wanted you to come take it all from me

My tears are a merry-go-round
And I'm losing myself to the shining
I'm just a baby, oh mind
Goodbye to this merry-go-round
I gave all my love all for nothing 'cause
This feeling's the merry-go-round

I find myself at an intersection
No matter how hard I wish,
I know that there's no turning back
You were so kind
Can I come back?
Though I'd surely never forgive myself then

The signal's green so I keep on going
Let my feet carry me ever forward now
What can I do?
Is this all?
I just wanted you to come and follow me

My tears are a merry-go-round
And I'm losing myself to the shining
I'm just a baby, oh mind
Goodbye to this merry-go-round
I gave all my love all for nothing 'cause
This feeling's the merry-go-round

My tears are a merry-go-round
My despair won't stop
I am breaking
I'm just a baby, oh mind
Goodbye is a merry-go-round
Please don't dissappear
That's my only wish
And this feeling's a merry-go-round

Carrie's Song

Yeah, I'm out of stuff guys. At least for the time being. So I did some searching on the old computer and dug up a song I was going to use in a fanfic a long time ago... it has nothing to do with me or anything that's happened in my life, 'cause... yeah, it was for a fanfic. One that I never finished. So it was just lying around without a purpose(hey, like me!) so I might as well share it with all of you. ^^
It doesn't really have a title. It was meant to be written and sung my an OC named Carrie, so we'll call it "Carrie's Song" for now. =]

I want to make up a million songs
About the way you made me feel
None of them would do it justice
‘Cause you’re the one who gave me
A reason to be

It may seem pointless sometimes but
Somehow I know I’ll make it through
And I could say the same for you
But you’re imprisoned by the things you just can’t forget
Do you know that I love you?
I would die just to save you

You are the sun that lights the world

When you keep away it just prolongs
The things that we both know are real
‘Cause you’re the one who made me
Try to break free

I may seem helpless sometimes but
Somehow I know I’ll make it through
And I could say the same for you
But you’re just standing there, not wanting to save yourself
Do you know that you’re worth it?
Do you know what you mean to me?
I’ll tell you

You are the sun that lights my life

Somehow I know I’ll make it through
I want to say the same for you
Whether you want to stay by my side or run away again
Take my heart with you
I don’t want to give it to anybody else

You are the sun that lights
Everything

Untitled

There's just no more poetry left in me.
I hate failing at everything and I hate being hated my my mom and I hate fighting with my sister and I hate who I am and how hard it is to change so I can become someone better.
And I just want to go to sleep until this weekend. And maybe then things will be okay once I leave this place, and I will have one of the most spectacular nights of my young life.
Maybe I'll get my poetry back.

I want to be back out in the rain.

Philasande

Baby girl, my little girl--
I fear you'll never really be mine.
Baby girl, my little girl--
I've left you alone for all of this time.
I could make up excuses, but babe
It could have been.
If I'd tried hard enough, I could have come
To see you again.
Baby girl, my little girl--
They say you never laughed at all.
Baby girl, my little girl--
I hope you still sing
The way I recall.
I might have made a difference, I think--
Do you remember me?
I wonder if you ever, just briefly
Maybe see my face in dreams.
Baby girl, my little girl--
Six years old and not getting younger.
Baby girl my little girl--
Wanting to see you, like a burning hunger.
I'll find my way back to you, babe
If it's the last thing I do.
You gave me life, humming and smiling
And I'm ever grateful to you.

Long-Distance Something

One of these days I'm either going to have to
Disappear from your life
Fall in love with you
Or break your heart, probably.
Distance, words...
Weird.
This is
making my
head
spin.

Random Thought

Why do exceptional and unexceptionable mean the same thing?

Little Paper Box

What I need to find for myself
Is a little paper box.
I've mulled over the options in my head,
And I decided on a little paper box.
I'm not sure where to find one,
But maybe if I search
The basement and the walk-in closet
I'll find my little paper box.

In the end I couldn't seem to find
A little paper box
So I'll sit here and make one--
Just a little paper box.

And you'll see me tomorrow
With a little paper box
Occasioning an extra poem--
Yes, just a little paper box.

Looking In

From what I can tell, she saw him standing there
And he was as he always is
And she'd never seen anyone like him before
But that's not when she fell in love.

In my imagination, he was looking for a confidante
And there she was, like she'd heard his mind calling
And there was something novel yet familiar about her
But that's not when he fell in love.

I didn't see it, but I think maybe she was discontented
Not deeply or profoundly unhappy, but missing something crucial
And as she learned about him, he was that crucial something
And that's when she fell in love.

I can only speculate, but it was probably much more than opportunism
Because after all, feeling empty without explanation was tearing him up inside
And the more she spoke, the clearer it was that she was like an angel for him
And that's when he fell in love.

Whatever It Is, It's Inspiring

You are making me wish things regardless of setbacks
You are making me wish things regardless of doubt
You are making me wish things regardless of nature
You are making me wish things regardless of pain

You are making me wish I'd known from the beginning
You are making me wish I'd not fallen so far
You are making me wish I had heard them all talking
You are making me wish I had never withdrawn

You are making me wish to become more worthwhile
You are making me wish to start worrying less
You are making me wish to lose all my bad habits
You are making me wish to do things for myself

You are making me wish it with steadfast allegiance
You are making me wish it with your offhand jokes
You are making me wish it with haphazard kindness
You are making me wish it with constant assent

You are making me wish that soon things will start changing
You are making me wish that you'll smile at me
You are making me wish that I'll be alright out there
You are making me wish that I'll have no regrets

You are making me wish for the ultimate future
You are making me wish for some enduring joy
You are making me wish for it with or without you
You are making me wish for the life of my dreams

Heaven?

You exist for the sake of example,
Baby girl in India.
I'm sure you exist,
But if I invented you, I'm sorry.
In my defense, I theorized a happy ending for you.

Blank Mark

It's actually not unfortunate that I spent so much time undermining the system.
It's almost like I belonged there
In that situation or persona
Or both
So maybe I am a secret agent or a ninja or
Just a juvenile delinquent.
I still maintain that it saved me time and trouble.

How Clear?

This badge I'm wearing is not made of crystals;
It's made of my desire to be you.

Plea

Don't you see?
You see, don't you?
Everyone Is Falling Asleep Because They Can't Bear To Be Awake Anymore.
You have to believe me:
Everything is going to decay if things don't start changing Now.
Why are you staring at me like that?
The words that are coming out of my mouth are Important, but you can't tell because your mouth is open.
Something's gonna slip in through that gaping mouth and take hold of you.
You need to be caring for this world!
You need to be Appreciating enough to Change Something.
You could be a catalyst!
But your mouth is open and your eyes are out of focus
Because you're still not interested in these people and these words and the Sleeping and the world you live in(which is starting to crumble by the way!) and it's not good or right or helpful.
Let's Stop Pretending That We Can Just Sleep Forever.
Hasn't someone tried that before?
It didn't work, did it?
If I hear them crying even One More Time, I'm going to start breaking down,
Just Like The Earth Under My Feet!
I'm standing!
I don't want to be one of the ones lying down!
I won't be a part of the undoing.
I'm going to stand always
Unless I'm Lying Down In Front Of Your Wheels
To prevent you from rolling your ignorance all over this former paradise people bled and cried to make!
You are so unaware that soon we all will be because(can't you tell by now?) Everyone Is Falling Asleep.
Yes, even the ones who gave everything for this place because they Wanted something Better.
It will end and you have to be able to say, for your sake and mine(I want you to be able to say it!) that you didn't fall asleep or just stand watching it happen
With that gaping void of an open mouth emitting no protest!
If my words reach you now, since your eyes seem to be showing some recognition now,
Please Start Shouting The Same Words You Hear Me Scream Out.
Because it's not too late yet!
But it will be if you don't start Acting.

Employee of the Month, I Swear.

Poor Mi-chan slaves away over an open flame at 42%.
I usually have an image of her working very hard in my mind.

Upstairs Power Surge; Subsequent Outage

I'm pretty sure I never
Ever
Want to hear anything
About this theory again
But maybe
I'll change my mind
Once I get some sleep.

"I Just Don't Get It"

When I heard that girl say that
And then her "minion" echoed her
I just got to thinking that
Maybe girls like that exist
Just to prove a point
About humanity.

I Think Sometimes I Cry In My Sleep

Chaos.
The utter chaos of it is what bothers me most
Because
I can't even decide what to say
And if I could, can't control whether or not
The phantom that is half-me
And half speculative creation
Will say what I need her to.
The chaos
Is around me on all sides
A typhoon that is tearing apart
Everything
That I trusted to be there
And to be right
Always
And it's all broken into so many little pieces
And I am in despair.
The chaos
Shows no mercy for me
Until I am allowed to wake
And bask in the relief
Of reality;
To see no remnants of the chaos
Except for those black marks on my pillow
From the mascara I neglected to wash off
Those black marks that make me wonder
If maybe I cry in my sleep.
But this time was different, you see
And before I awoke, the chaos itself was
Torn to little pieces
Starting with the catalyst that was
Those little black letters
Telling me that saying everything was okay
Was not going to work; a cracking, faulty mask
But that
Everything was going to be okay for real
With time
And patience.
And reading those little black letters
And then speaking them aloud so they filled the room
Made the chaos dissipate
And it could not touch me
Because she is the light.
Her name, which in itself speaks love
Is more powerful than the chaos that challenges the sleeping me
And so I suppose
Must be more powerful
Than the waking world's chaos too.
And it really will be okay
If we can be the light
I hers and she mine.

My Boys

My boys, you are masters of your art
You are spending your days so vividly
Being so alive and human
Creating a place in the world for yourselves
Where there is real, thickly tangible being
Being boys
Being eccentric
Being eccentrically you, the boys I look forward to
Being the ones I call my boys
Whether you know it
Or get it or approve of it
Or not
You are the masters of the show I watch
The selection I slip in to play my part in
And I would have been a permanent victim to all the rest
Long ago
If not for you, my boys
Because you have it down
Have developed a finesse
And a deftness for what you do every day
The distinct
Animatedness
And the spirit with which you, my boys
Remain
Vital
In multiple senses of the word.

Dry Spot

I have just hit one.
Please come back to me, my muse.

Reply to a Couple o' Days Ago: Got it!

Fixation!
That's it; that's the word I've been looking for.
Thank you so much, Allie.
I have an odd fixation with my hair.

Clichés

Makes my heart race.
I could just die.
Conquers all.
Feel like I'm lighter than air.
Beating like a drum.
In a daze.
"Furareta."
Is blind.
A shooting pain in my chest.
Not knowing where to turn.
Is like a rose.
As if I'm dreaming.
Overflowing with happiness.
The reason for my smile.
Beet-red.
Gives me something to look forward to.

Aye

I think I should probably tell you
That I have a
Hair complex
And there's another word I've been trying to remember
But can't
Like...
I have a weird ____ with my hair.
I can't for the life of me remember what goes in the blank.
But it's kind of like an unhealthy attachment
Almost like an obsession, but that's not quite it...
Anyway, I hate my hair and I love my hair
And I worry about it all the time
And I wouldn't have to if I didn't have this weird condition
But
That kid just had to say something years ago that
Sent my head spinning
About my hair color
And then my hair in general
And now I can't shake it
This ____ I have with my hair.

Hopeful

I am convinced that
I love you more than anyone.
Otherwise, why would I care about your opinion
Above anything and everything else?

I convince myself
I hate you more than anyone
Because even though you know my good side, my bright side
You still have no sympathy for me at all.

Today, though my voice quivered
I stood my ground before you
I looked into your eyes, and I told the truth
I said, "I'm constantly afraid of what you'll think of me."
I don't know if you really listened, but maybe...
I'm hopeful.

Years of failing, collapsing under the pressure
Of being the weird one, being pathetic
And you, always pushing, shouting, shaking my shoulders
To get your message through
While I made myself emotionally dead
So I wouldn't have to feel your disappointment in me
And after all that
You finally said today
That it's okay if the bad, weak side of me
Doesn't disappear right away.
You said you knew it wouldn't
And that I'd have to work through it
And that it was okay.
And I'm sure you don't know how much that means to me
Because that's what I've been wanting to hear for years.
I want to be okay with you.
By that, I mean I want me, me as a person
That girl standing before you trying not to cry
So scared of what you'll think
And hoping you mean it when you say you'll wait for me to get better
...I want that girl to be okay with you.
I want you to look at her without that melancholy behind your eyes.
I want you to look at her and think of good things and feel happy,
Not worry and wonder if she'll fail again this time.
That's what I want more than anything in the world.
And now I'm hopeful.

Untitled

I really have a thing for
These little conversations
I wish that I could bring more
To our collaboration

This world that we've created
Where there's nothing but words
Can not be infiltrated
By any but us nerds. <3

Do Something

When I get to thinking about you
Feeling how I feel about you
I really feel like doing something about it.
Doing something big about it.
But I probably won't do anything about it
for some time yet.

My Eternal Struggle

I will summon up every--
EVERY
molecule of self-control within me
And maybe
MAYBE
I will let her be a bitch to me this time
and I won't try to defend myself.

Fevers

Burning, freezing
Pulling, kicking
Light switches and stumbling
Stumbling for a glass of
Cranberry juice and then
Collapsing
In a
Heap
And wondering why on earth
It actually
Worked out this time
And not knowing if
The bad part was
Really just
A dream.

Let's just
Hear the music now
And dream while awake
About
The words they're singing
As if
Maybe
The songs themselves can
Make
The Fever
Break.

Poem About a Person I Know #3

I was listening to
"Blue Wind" by YUI
And I suddenly realized
How perfectly
It describes what we were.
It reminded me of
how I fell in love
For the first time
And what that was like
And
I smiled.
I'm glad that I
Can have fond memories
Of those times now.
One of these days
I'm going to send you
That song
And hope you know enough
Japanese
To understand the lyrics
And I hope it brings you
A fond memory as well
And I hope that
You'll smile
The smile that I remember
Crossing your lips from time to time
When you heard a song
You liked.

Kayla-Style Poem

Gonna try the Kayla thing
A poem on the spot
A poem on a whim.

Gonna take these fingers and
Reach for the right letters
To make up the right words.

Gonna bathe in bright white light
Reclining on the bed
Reclining next to Miles.

Taylor interrupts and says
He needs my help right now
But then says "never mind."

He has left my door open
One moment, if you please
I need to close it now.

Swedish electronica
Is playing on iTunes
"Ooa Hela Natten" plays.

I'm thinking about the things
I've thought about lately
That confuse me so much.

Soon I'll need to figure out
What comes after high school
And how I really feel.

But right now it seems just fine
To lie here and listen
As J-metal fades in.

Goodbye Swedish techno-pop
Time for another song
Where will this one lead me?

Tastebuds

My friends all know that I love muffins
I make my pie and soup with pumpkin
Love cabbage red and onions green
Potato cakes and lima beans

Salmon, sushi, shrimp, and scallops
Carrots, crabmeat, chamomile, capers
Parsley and persimmons

freshly-cracked black pepper
Nearly overripe raspberries
seaweed, rice paper
And those red-and-yellow cherries

Curry
Olives
Rare steak
Cornbread
Whole long-grain white rice
With pan-seared tofu on top

I love cilantro and biscotti
Fresh mushrooms and manicotti
I love beer and salmon roe
I love eggs, cheesecake, and cloves
Home-baked bread still steaming hot
Chicken roasted in crock pots
Chickpea fries, red tea with cream
Water from an alpine stream
Cream cheese frosting(not too sweet)
Wasabi(the right amount of heat)
I love cumin and pot pie
Lean turkey and Swiss on rye

I love much more than I can tell
Life's too short to not eat well.

Poem About a Person I Know #2, a.k.a Olivia, Part Something of Many

Wide eyes.
I want to be like you.
Gloriously bright, lively, alpine-lake-colored eyes with lashes so dark and delicate, they seem like ink from a Russian doll painter's single-hair brush--
I wish I could be like you.

Thin smile.
I want you to be happy.
A simple and pretty little smile, curving those coral-pink lips only slightly, yet communicating the purest unbridled joy--
I rejoice in seeing you happy.

Smooth skin.
I think about your future.
Poreless skin like tea with cream, soft and vibrant, and sometimes catching those pale freckles I love so much--
I spend so much time imagining what your future might be like.

Bright hair.
You are loved.
Hair resembling spun gold just like in the fairytales, each long strand glittering from tip to tip, faling down over your shoulders in a million different shades of yellow and gold and white, saffron and platinum and sunflower and parchment--
You are deeply loved by so many people.

Small nose.
You are a smart girl.
The cutest little nose like something painstakingly chiseled by a scullptor, then worn smooth over time, turned up only slightly, and it wrinkles when you laugh--
You have the brightest mind of any girl of twelve I've ever known.

I could write a million words about who you are, outwardly and within.
I'm in awe of you, darling.
Right now you feel like someone's trying to bring you down,
But they could never reach high enough to even touch you.
Always remember how I see you, darling.

Staircase Epyllion

Two young ladies of fair skin, we took the world head-on

I with my short hair of fire; Allie’s golden locks fell long.

Presumably aimless, we wandered that morn

With the sun still low and our shoes well worn.

No goal had been set, no providence defined.

We set off boldly to a destination blind.

Though obstacles were few and the going seemed level,

Soon, and without warn, our hopes became disheveled.

For there up ahead, lies there not an impediment?

An incline of steep steps spread with students’ tracked-in sediment.

Is this some common challenge sent to test us, from the gods?

We measured steps with our eyes, and with our judgment, our odds.

It was I who came forth first, fearing a fate quite grave

Faithful companion, Allie, claimed her duty: my life to save.

The first few chilling steps were without flaw, but what’s this!

It seems this long, hard journey will be far from ease and bliss.

A misplaced foot would be my downfall on one step’s steep lip,

And had my companion not been there, I surely would have slipped.

Recalculating my footfalls and hoping for the best,

I turned and, with eyes full of tears, I breathed solemn bequest.

“My faithful friend, please listen close to what I have to say,

For here in my despair I fear I’m living my last days.

If by chance I do survive, I’ll write an epyllion great,

But should I parish, my friend, I bequeath to you my humble estate.”

And with new strength in our bones and two outcomes distinct,

We two then proceeded, destinies interlinked.

Great monsters we battled: daunting pebbles; slick sand

But at the top of the slant we one day came to stand.

And true to my promise, I wrote from my heart

A tale to forever set us great two apart.

Recall this account whenever trials will stand in your way

And face them with the same bold strength that we two had that day.

Concrete Art

If you're going to make art on concrete
Please
Put a little thought and effort into it.
Crude, but look how well proportioned that hand is-- good, good.
I need not even mention that other stuff that's obviously art
But those few spraypainted shapes were hardly pictures and
I enjoyed them far less than that other crude thing I saw
On concrete today.

Poem About a Person I Know #1

I think I could be in love with you if I wanted to be.
And by that I mean that I could if I saw you often enough, thought about you all the time, mulled over your good traits.
There are times when I've even thought I was in love with you, and then I remembered that oh yeah, I'm just a kid
And you know that.
On those occasions, I talked myself down. And it wasn't difficult or painful.
But I still think very highly of you.
This one time someone told me they thought you had a bit of a crush on me, and I thought
Awesome. I hope that's true. I would really be interested in talking about my crush on you
if that was true.
Usually I think it's impossible for that to be true, and that's why I'm not in love with you.

Crush on a Gay Childhood Friend

Here's the thing:
I think he made most of that up.
But he probably didn't mean harm like she said,
'Cause he probably didn't mean anything,
And was making it up as he went along.
It was kind of self-serving, though.
But here's the other thing:
We might actually be closer in the long run because of
that silly boy making stuff up and kinda making me uncomfortable at the time.
And of course I understand things better now, and I don't feel the same way
But I'm looking forward to being closer in the long run.

>

Please
take me back to
my city
where my
FEET
don't hurt.

Obligatory first post GO!

So I decided to put up a place on the interwebs for mostly poetry but maybe also occasionally just random thoughts. Annnd here is that place.
I'm going to try to post stuff on some sort of regular schedule, but I suck at sticking to schedules, so I won't even tell you what my plan is.
Er yeah I'm not sure if I'm making sense right now.
Enjoy reading stuff?
'Kay bye.


-Jami Jo