I Think Sometimes I Cry In My Sleep

Chaos.
The utter chaos of it is what bothers me most
Because
I can't even decide what to say
And if I could, can't control whether or not
The phantom that is half-me
And half speculative creation
Will say what I need her to.
The chaos
Is around me on all sides
A typhoon that is tearing apart
Everything
That I trusted to be there
And to be right
Always
And it's all broken into so many little pieces
And I am in despair.
The chaos
Shows no mercy for me
Until I am allowed to wake
And bask in the relief
Of reality;
To see no remnants of the chaos
Except for those black marks on my pillow
From the mascara I neglected to wash off
Those black marks that make me wonder
If maybe I cry in my sleep.
But this time was different, you see
And before I awoke, the chaos itself was
Torn to little pieces
Starting with the catalyst that was
Those little black letters
Telling me that saying everything was okay
Was not going to work; a cracking, faulty mask
But that
Everything was going to be okay for real
With time
And patience.
And reading those little black letters
And then speaking them aloud so they filled the room
Made the chaos dissipate
And it could not touch me
Because she is the light.
Her name, which in itself speaks love
Is more powerful than the chaos that challenges the sleeping me
And so I suppose
Must be more powerful
Than the waking world's chaos too.
And it really will be okay
If we can be the light
I hers and she mine.